It’s Valentine’s Day, and if you’re a single lady looking for love, it can be a bummer.

I say have no fear.

Because if you’re ready to meet that special someone, you will.  I should know, because for years I did it all wrong.  Once I understood how I was getting in my own way and decided let go of my own brokenness, he showed up like a date with destiny.  In fact, I met him when I was on a blind date with someone else.

So if you’re a strong-minded single lady who just doesn’t understand why she can’t find her match, this post is for you.  Guys, use it for good and not for evil.  And Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.

1. Don’t be afraid to let him be the guy.

As modern women, we cultivate characteristics in our masculine side in order to succeed in our careers and achieve success.  Not so in our personal lives.  In fact, if we don’t make a conscious effort to shift from our masculine energy by day to our feminine energy by night, men get uninterested because there’s no space for their masculine energy to express itself.

If you are a successful career woman this may be something you struggle with.  One way to balance it all out is to set healthy boundaries for yourself to let HIM CHASE YOU.  If this is difficult you may find you get attached too quickly only to find out he’s the wrong guy.  Another tool that will help is reading  The Rules.  It’s not game playing, it’s a way for you to relearn how to let him be the guy and how you can be more of the divine feminine.  Follow The Rules, including not taking his calls and not calling him back until 24 hours after he leaves you a message.  It’s scary if you are used to being a take-charge woman.  Save the take charge for your career, but in love be the passive feminine!

2. Don’t accept any Last Minute Dates.  And when you do go on a date, carry yourself fully in your divine feminine energy right down to your attire.

Accepting last minute dates, or group dates, is a mistake if you are struggling with letting your divine feminine express itself.  Saturday night dates, per The Rules, MUST be accepted by the Wednesday before or you will find that you will teach him that you are available at the drop of a hat.  Do not be afraid to say no or to push a date to the following week.  The good guys will NOT lose interest.  On the contrary, they will WANT you EVEN MORE!  When you do go out on dates, skip the jeans and wear a pretty dress or skirt.  Something soft and pretty.  The guy you want will notice and he will like it.

3. Take a dating hiatus for a few weeks to study, take inventory and shift your thinking.  After reading The Rules and Mars & Venus on a Date, start accepting dates two to three times a week, even if it means going on Match.com.

Online dating is PERFECT for practicing. It is NOT a department store for buying life partners, and you probably won’t meet him online.  But it is a great way to practice, I call it the Dating Gym: if you don’t work your dating muscle, you will put too much emphasis on a date when you finally get one and you will blow it because you will be out of practice.  Instead, date two to three times a week (I call this taking applications).  Match.com is a great dating gym, and will help you get your game on.  Be sure to follow safe boundaries and guidelines when dating online.  And have fun while you’re at it — hopefully it will be your last dating flurry before meeting Prince Charming.

4. Beware the Oxytocin monster, and don’t become intimate before commitment.

Your mom was right: intimacy before commitment means trouble.  But not the kind of trouble she told you about.  The kind of trouble that could cause you to become, literally, addicted to the wrong.  Why?  A little hormone called oxytocin, which creates custom molecules for each guy you become involved with.  And guess what?  It is secreted even by the sound of his voice!  It hooks you in, and if you don’t have contact for three days you will go through withdrawals scientists claim are as strong as heroin.  So do yourself a favor: make sure you KNOW who you are getting involved with BEFORE you become intimate, or you will make yourself vulnerable to being addicted to the wrong guy.  To learn more, read Dr. Louann Brizendine‘s books The Female Brain and The Male Brain.  You will be amazed at how different we really are.

5. Make your list, check it twice.  And three times.  And four times.

I am a firm believer in metaphysics and manifesting your own reality.  After all, thought precedes form in all things.  And I have proven the Law of Attraction is real by using it in my own life.  Make a list of every characteristic you want your man to have.  EVERY one you can think of.  Every time you go on a practice date, as soon as you get home add or subtract to your list based on what you saw or experienced.  Be sure to put what you DO want and not what you don’t want.  And include everything you can think of.  I put ‘speaks French’ on my list after a practice date with a guy that ordered off the menu in French.  Guess what?  My husband is from France, and had no detectable accent when we met!  I also put ‘no sisters’ and guess what?  He’s an only child.

Don’t give up.  Follow these steps and maybe next Valentine’s Day, you’ll be getting the ring: )